Something dawned on me this morning as I was pondering a rather large decision I am wanting to make. That I have a knack for simply acting on faith and taking action on faith alone.
Even when the prospect of what I’m about to do scares me, creates anxiety in me and brings up all manner of doubt.
It’s Blind Faith that guides me.
Now, I’m not a religious person. I don’t believe in religion. Nor do I believe in the religious concept of “God” as an omnipotent power outside of us.
But I do follow God/Source as a means of we are all God Consciousness and we are all the Creators of the Universe and therefore Blind Faith is us following our own inner compass, following our heart, following our Truth and following the Divine within us.
It really hit home with me this morning how much I’ve trusted in the Unknown before when I’ve leapt into the Void with no back ups, no guarantees and no promises of anything working out – just Blind Faith.
(No idea why I’m capitalising “Blind Faith” or “Faith” as if it’s a noun or a person but it feels right to do so lol).
You see, as a Virgo Stellium (4 planets in Virgo including my Sun) I’ve always had a back and forth nature within me to make sure I know what the outcome will be before I act.
Stuck in a perfectionistic cycle.
And yet my Sagittarius Moon comes along (I follow Sidereal Astrology because to me it’s accurate energy) and is like, “Trust. Have faith. Just trust”.
So I leap.
Into the Unknown.
Into the Void.
With my Virgo ass panicking all the while that I haven’t got shit figured out yet lol.
And yet – this is my Truth.
This is how I live my life. Or, how I’m meant to live my life.
Through Faith and an innate Trust in the Unknown.
And, more importantly, Trust in myself, my decisions and my actions.
You see, I didn’t have it all figured out when I decided to up and leave the country when I was 24 and travel solo around the world.
I’d just ended my relationship for various reasons and longed to travel and explore. My Sagittarius Moon always guiding my soul’s desires. I had no savings. Had just bought a car on finance that I’d have to continue to pay off whilst backpacking and living in hostels on fuck all money – as you do whilst backpacking!
I just knew I needed to travel.
So instead of waiting until I had enough money saved up so that I could go travelling without having to worry about finances – I went and funded my entry into Australia with my 2K overdraft lol.
I trusted. I leapt.
I got a few jobs whilst in Australia and had to borrow from the familiar “Bank of Dad” whilst there – but if I’d waited until everything was perfect, I would never have gone.
I see it so often with others – waiting, waiting, waiting until everything is lined up and perfect.
But that’s not how life is.
And, in a warped kind of way, it actually takes the fun out of life.
Ugh. How boring to live a life that is fully planned out. Everything planned out. No spontaneity. No fun. No thrill of the “what ifs”!!!!
(Unless you like that kind of shit – but you’d be a very boring person in my eyes!).
The same happened when I left a job 10 years ago. I’d actually applied to another job and been accepted for it. But, the Universe had other ideas and they rescinded my Offer of Employment based on the fact I’d had time off in my then job for my mental health (depression and stress in that job).
Something I’m sure is illegal to do – or should be – to judge some on their mental health.
So, here I was.
I’d already handed my notice in with my then job. Had this job offer to go to – and they rescinded the offer.
At the time, the company I was leaving were haemorrhaging staff and were glad of people leaving as they were downsizing so they didn’t have to re-recruit.
So here I was.
No job to go to. Just blind fucking faith that it would all work out. Because it always does.
Even in my darkest times, my darkest moments – everything has always worked out for me.
I just had to have Faith.
(In the words of George Michael:
‘Cause I gotta have faithI gotta’ have faith Because I gotta have faith, faith, faith I got to have faith, faith, faith)
In 2018, the same happened again.
Faith came knocking on my door.
“Oh, you again”, I say as I invite her in and offer her a cup of tea.
“What do you want this time?”
“Leave your marriage”, she told me, sipping on her tea and looking around for another chocolate biscuit to dunk into her tea.
(The epitome of British tea drinking).
Ah, ok. A biggie this time as I’m glaring Faith in the eye and trying to see who will break first.
I wasn’t happy in my marriage.
Was lost in myself.
Unhappy in my life.
Had just started going through a major Spiritual Awakening the year before.
My temporary contract job was also about to end and I had no job lined up because I’d been planning to start a business.
I had no money. No savings. Loads of debt.
And my daughter was still only young at the time (3) and I had never factored being a Single Parent into my life.
So, I looked Faith squarely in the eyes (after offering her another cup of tea and a biscuit, of course!) and I saw how my life would unfold if I didn’t leap.
If I chose to wait until everything was perfect.
If I chose to wait until my daughter was a bit older.
If I chose to wait until I had some savings in my account or another job lined up.
If I chose to wait and see if we could work through things.
If I chose to just – wait.
But I couldn’t.
I knew I had to leap. To trust in myself. To trust in the Unknown.
To trust in Faith. To have blind fucking faith as I leapt into the Void of this life I’d never envisioned for myself.
To just Trust.
So I leapt.
Sure, things were hard for me as I began the true process of healing myself, of becoming myself and of finding the True Self who had been hidden away inside of me.
I watched as I burnt my life around me. Burning it all down. Everything I’d taken for granted, taken to be true about myself and the world around me.
I burnt it all down.
(With Faith guiding me, of course).
How often do people live their lives without Faith? Waiting for the perfect moment to get started on something.
Waiting to have all their ducks in a row before they act.
Waiting for things to be ideal before they make a big decision.
And missing out on life in the same process.
Missing out on what is possible.
Missing out on living, experiencing, expanding, growing and evolving.
I am forever on a quest of Spiritual Growth, Spiritual Evolution and expanding myself into my Highest Self.
To not do that would literally kill me.
And – bore the absolute fuck out of me!
I crave expansion.
I crave experiences that force me to grow.
I crave freedom.
I crave liberation.
I crave growing as a Spiritual Being.
I crave it all.
Me writing this blog post is also a reminder to myself of all the times I’ve acted on Faith.
Leapt without a plan in place.
And just trusted myself that everything would work out.
That the Divine has my back.
Because it always does.
And things always work out for me. Always.
So, back to that big decision I’m about to make (which I can’t go into detail here yet but will do in due course due to the intricacies of the decision and the people it involves).
A reminder to myself that when something calls to me so deeply in my heart, in my soul – that I know it’s the right decision to make.
That it’s Faith herself calling me. Guiding me. Coaxing me to follow her and to trust her.
To let go of the familiar – and trust in the unfamiliar. In the Unknown. In the Void itself.
Because that – that is where real magic happens.
In the Void.