I’ve felt inspired to blog about how my life hasn’t quite been the fairy tale I imagined…but how it WILL be EVEN BETTER than I could have ever perceived…despite the major uplevelling this year!
I’ve been out of blogging for a few months now….this year…2018…has been…well…INTERESTING!!!!
My job ending, starting a business, my mum getting diagnosed with breast cancer AND choosing to walk away from my marriage…ALL IN 4 WEEKS!
I know I’m psychic but even I had NO CLUE at the beginning of the year how 2018 would pan out when I boldly announced (to myself and anyone else who would listen!)….”This year is going to be transformative….I really FEEL it!”.
Yep….manifestation at it’s best!
But for those of you on a spiritual path and those who have been through and understand “spiritual awakenings”…you’ll know that they aren’t for the faint hearted and they certainly shake life up…for the better!
I’m such a different person to who I was 5 months ago…VERY DIFFERENT! And in all honesty…I wouldn’t have it any other way!
Through all those changes in June 2018…I finally FOUND ME! And I’d been searching for her for a LONG TIME!
I embraced the literal “shit storm” that the Universe sent me…because, well…Spirit knew I could handle it!! And I stepped into my purpose!! As me! As the girl who has a passion burning within her to help other women step into their purpose, to step into my role as a leader, to embrace my High Priestess energy (oh hey…Lemurian High Priestess over here! *waves*) and to level the fuck up with my psychic abilities!
Yep…that’s my Divine Life Purpose right there!! And I’m living it!!! Authentic, raw, honest….and real!!!!
My job ended 1st June 2018….I knew it was ending but I didn’t want to look for another job. Because I knew that THIS TIME…..I simply HAD TO embrace being an entrepreneur…because my soul had been craving it a long while and I’d been messing around with silly ideas that would never work for me and I wasn’t stepping into my purpose with what I’d been dallying with.
So I didn’t look for another job, instead I just decided that it was time.
Time to be me.
Time to uplevel.
Time to unleash my full self onto the world – the powerful & transformational woman I was born to be.
It was time (I sound like Rafiki from Disney’s The Lion King LOL!).
And yet…with any uplevelling, there’s always challenges on the way. Because Spirit certainly don’t want us to sit on our backsides and wait…they shake shit up…to keep us on our toes! *thanks Spirit*
I knew that leaving my husband would be a hard challenge! I knew it would be hard transitioning into life as a single parent (our daughter had just turned 3 when I told him it was over after 11 years together) because of taking on the financial commitments, not having a job, building a brand new business and all the emotional stress and anxiety that came with it! I pretty much wrote off the summer because my energy was fucking awful!!!! But I needed to surrender…to take time out for me. It was an emotionally and mentally taxing time for me because of everything I had to deal with in such a short time.
And yet as the saying goes, “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger”.
Yep…it certainly does!
But I was also sad.
Sad that a relationship that had lasted nearly a third of my life was over.
Sad that I was breaking up our daughter’s family.
Sad that my life hadn’t turned out as I’d wanted.
I knew before I chose to leave my husband that this was a Divinely supported decision. I asked for signs from my Guides and from my Angels that this was right….and seriously they went to town with signs!!!!! I knew that this was it…that I had to just take that leap…be The Fool (Tarot reference)…and take that leap of faith, knowing that as I chose to leap, that I’d grow wings on the way down and that Spirit would support me.
And they didn’t let me down!
I found that I was stronger that I thought.
I made new connections…soulful connections….I found MY TRIBE.
I was constantly downloading new and innovative business ideas…things I would never have considered before!
Doors opened for me…and others closed. But I was ok with them closing.
People came into my life who literally shook it up for the best…and I said goodbye to those who weren’t an energetic match for me….like the caterpillar transforming into the butterfly…I went through a spiritual metamorphosis.
It hit me yesterday though that I’ve been putting on a brave face with everything. And believe me…I’m not sad for us parting ways. It wasn’t working.
So many would say to me things like:
“Wow I really admire your strength!”
“You’re so brave!”
“I wish I could have the courage to leave my relationship…but I’m scared”
“You’re doing amazingly well!!!!”
And I felt it!! I truly FELT IT deep in my heart and my soul…that inner strength…my inner Goddess!
But sometimes even the Goddess needs some time out…and it’s ok to take a moment or two to FEEL the sadness and the hurt and the heartache that your life hasn’t been the fairy tale that you imagined (not yet…anyway!).
Yesterday I took a few moments to just allow myself to grieve “the old me”. The “old” Leanne who had fought for a relationship that was never going to work. The Leanne who had taken a stand for what she believed in…and that was a life of happiness….even if that meant ending a marriage.
I grieved yesterday. I’ve grieved before (that Full Moon in Taurus in October was HEAVY!!!!!). And I know I’ll grieve again in the future as my divorce moves forwards.
But yesterday I was taken by the fact that I almost felt LIED to by the fairy tale stories of my childhood!!! The stories whose words captured the hearts of young girls. Telling us that we’d meet our Prince (or Princess…I’m gender equal!) Charming, fall in love, get married and live happily ever after.
I felt lied to.
Yes, I know they are just silly stories. And I’m reading them to my 3.5 year old daughter even now…stories of Cinderella, Snow White and Rapunzel lol!
But they are so impressionable…especially on young minds! And we grow up knowing that we want to fall in love with someone who treats us like a Princess. That we want our “happily ever after” which generally involves getting married (because that shows commitment, right?!) and having 2.4 children.
And yet my own personal fairy tale isn’t like that.
Yes we’d been in love. Once of a time.
Yes we’d gotten married. Because that gave us both commitment from the other.
And yes…we had our beautiful daughter, who I wouldn’t change for the world! Even if she is a strong-willed, stubborn and defiant Taurus/Gemini Cusp! LOL!
But yesterday I just felt sad that the “happily ever after” I had THOUGHT I was getting into…just wasn’t that.
That I’d never imagined myself to be a single parent.
I’d never imagined myself getting divorced.
And on the flip side, I had never imagined myself finally FINDING ME! That choosing to leave my marriage was THE BIGGEST CATALYST for my growth!!! The biggest! I knew that I’d be ok once I left…..because I was putting all my faith and trust into Spirit’s guidance that they’d catch me when I fell.
And fuck me did they catch me!!
Like Red Bull, I grew my OWN wings!
I learnt how to stand on my own two feet again.
I learnt to embrace my UNIQUE AUTHENTIC SELF.
I learnt how to set boundaries.
I learnt that I fucking matter.
I learnt that I could have a BUSINESS….by just BEING ME.
I learnt that my soul purpose in this life is to LEAD other women through their own struggles and insecurities to embrace their OWN Authentic Self….and to help them level the fuck up!
I learnt how to be a Rebel….to say what I thought, to share my opinion, to speak up for what I believed in. Even if people didn’t like that. Because I was fed up of being a people-pleaser…because being a people pleaser doesn’t get you very far!
So yesterday I grieved a little more.
I gave myself space to reflect on my journey these past 5 months.
And I congratulated myself on stepping the fuck up…into my purpose, my passion and into who I truly am.
Because my fairy tale romance may not have worked out…yet….but I know that this was just the “apperitif” and that the REAL fairy tale, the “main course” LOL, is waiting for me.
It’s out there.
I feel it deep in my soul.
That one day I will fall in love again. That I’ll have the happiness and the romance and the love that I’ve been dreaming about since I was a little girl.
I know it’s out there.
And despite the sadness that it didn’t work out, if it wasn’t for THAT relationship, I would be who I am today.
I wouldn’t have FOUND ME. And I certainly wouldn’t have stepped into my Divine Life Purpose as a leader, as a thought provoker, as a spiritual rebel and as a powerful fucking woman who knows her worth and follows her Divine truth.
The biggest set backs are often the start of our biggest growth. They act as a catalyst for us.
And for that…I’m eternally grateful.
I know that I will have my fairy tale….just not as I’d initally imagined! But my God will it be far greater than I could ever have imagined!
Because the fairy tale that’s waiting for me is as ME. As my Authentic Self. As the woman I was meant to…and have…become.